alive

In middle school, you were quite the over-achiever. The three years you spent in Kunugigaoka, you had always ranked nothing less than Best 10 in the whole school – your parents were strict, and studying was the only thing they wanted you to do; you never were allowed any free time to go out with friends, much less freedom, so studying's the only thing you have.

"This is fine," You had always thought, "It's for my own good."

Never have you questioned your parents' choices for you - you kept going and did your best at everything, and soon you came to become the over-achiever that you were. However, you didn't feel anything: not happiness, boastfulness, nothing. Everything was colored grey in your eyes - useless. You had even started to think that anything but studying doesn't amount to something.

And then, by chance, you saw him on your way home.

The red haired demon everybody in school was talking about - Akabane Karma, the rebellious genius.

He was fighting with the neighboring school's students, you noted, as you looked at the familiar-looking uniforms the other thugs wear. It had been not even a month since he got demoted to 3-E, yet he sure didn't look like he regretted anything at all - it's all clear from the way he enjoyed himself beating down the other school's punks.

You were terrified: it was your first time seeing a fight so up close, even more so a ten-something versus one person. This very much spells trouble, so you immediately grabbed your phone and dialed the police - before one of the thugs noticed you.

“What the hell are you trying to do!?” one of the thugs yelled, as he dashed towards you, trying to stop you from calling for help.

He’s getting closer! Your mind’s danger alarms are all going off, and you felt fear. Your only thought was to run, run, and run, yet your legs betray you as they felt like jelly and won’t move at all.

Just as you’d braced yourself for the worst case scenario, a flash of red overcame your sight.

“Isn’t that bad, onii-san? Trying to harm a passerby like that,” The moment you heard his voice, laced with pride and underestimation, you looked up: it was, indeed him, only a few centimeters in front of you.

Akabane Karma, the person you had never thought you’d ever cross paths with.

***

“…Your clothes, they’re tainted with blood,” you pointed out, spontaneously saying whatever is in your mind.

The all-out war had finished a few moments ago (with you standing perfectly still, unable to move due to fear and surprise), and you found yourself looking at Akabane, this time properly since he isn’t moving quite so fast like when he's beating up the thugs, anymore.

“Yeah,” he replied, as he showed you one of his infamous smiles, said to instill fear in anyone who has ever had the honor to fight with him, “That feels good.”

“…?” You looked at him with a questioning stare.

“Feels like being alive, beating up those guys.”

 Hearing his words, you felt like your heart’s pierced by a sharp knife.

‘Feels like being alive.’

Have you ever felt ‘alive’? In this world you found grey, where you have no attachments towards anything?

Your thoughts are sadly cut short by Akabane calling your name.

“How did youー“

“Know your name? We were classmates for two years,” he interrupted matter-of-factly; “It would’ve been stranger if I didn’t know.”

Ah – indeed, he had been your classmate for two years. But you were never so talkative, so you thought nobody noticed you… but it seems that you were wrong.

“…I see,” you said, at a loss of words, “Thank you.”

“What for?” He had an interested expression.

“…Saving me earlier,” you said, flustered.

This was perhaps the first time you said so much to someone of the opposite gender.

***

Ever since then, you crossed paths with Akabane (who had insisted you to call him Karma) a lot of times. It seems that no matter where you go, he would somehow be there, and he’d call you out as he showed you his signature smile. Though it’s not like you hated him: in fact, being with him makes you feel… somehow, different.

It’s as if you’re actually alive.

The way he addressed you so casually, showed you his new pranks, the way he showed you how to live carelessly...

Akabane - no, Karma - is truly a puzzling person.

You sighed, as you looked at the notebook in front of you. Usually, you'd already take like three pages of notes at this point in class, but the paper on your desk is still blank. It's been like this for days ever since you got to know Karma better - but why? Why do you keep thinking about him, even though he's merely an 'incidental friend' you made a few days ago? Was it his incredulous behavior that makes you keep thinking of him?

Or was it his really cute smileー

Wait. You did not just think of that.

You sighed for the nth time for the day, as you closed your eyes. "Something's wrong with me today."

It took you quite a while before realizing that what you felt was 'love'.