Asano Gakushuu was—and always will be—number one. He always wins, always conquers, always comes out on top of everybody and anybody. Math, physics, chemistry, languages, sports, music—you name it, and he’s excellent on it. Revered to by the students of Kunugigaoka Middle School, he was nothing less of a King. His father was a hindrance to him and his total domination, indeed, but despite his hatred of the fact, he couldn’t deny that the him right now would not be able to win against such an monster. If he was King, then it would not be an overstatement to say that his whole kingdom was, for his father, nothing less than a sandbox.
Asano Gakushuu thirsts for knowledge. For power. For domination. For perfection. To far surpass his father was a pledge he made with himself.
But it would be lying to say that he was always like this.
· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·
When he was little, Asano Gakushuu was always told about how lucky he was. About how his perfect father was the principal of the famous prepschool Kunugigaoka, and that he was born in a perfect family, with a perfect gene. Gakushuu never did understand why people sang such praises towards him, his family, and most importantly his father. He knew, he understood that his father was superior, but at the same time he had always felt how... ‘off’, so to speak, his father was at times.
He was always afraid of growing up to be like his father.
He didn’t hate him, no. At times, it was just... suffocating to be with such a father.
By everyone around him, Gakushuu was always, always forced to be perfect, for they had high, almost impossibly high expectations for such a young boy. Chased by seemingly endless lessons and words of encouragement—which sounded nothing more than a threat for him to do better than he is now—Gakushuu never did stop and took a breather.
He was beginning to feel tired, tired, tired. Scared. Scared of his own fast growth, scared seeing his friends walking away a small step every time he achieved something—he wanted to stop.
—When he realized, it was already about four in the evening, and he was crying non-stop in the park he used to play in a lot.
Everything was just too much.
“...Are you crying?”
Hearing a high-pitched, feminine voice, he looked up, only to see a girl shorter than him—perhaps she was younger?—looking at him with such a curious, yet sympathetic eyes.
Gakushuu immediately shook his head, no, crying was off-limits, always. For a person that would stand on the top, such a weakness could not be shown.
“...No,” he replied, rubbing his eyes with his right hand.
“Why are you lying?” The girl asked once more, and Gakushuu felt her voice piercing him deeply.
Why are you lying...? To throw such a question towards him right now... don’t he always lies? Even his way of living life is a lie! His smile, his nod when somebody told him something, his saying yes even though he meant to say no! Everything! Everything...!
He was going to say something before the girl interrupted him.
“It’s okay to cry,” She said, “My mother used to cry a lot too. But she said she’s stronger because of that. So it’s okay to cry.”
Gakushuu looked at her, surprise evident on his face.
The girl caressed his hair, and sat next to him.
“It’s okay,” she said, and Gakushuu couldn’t hold in his tears anymore. He cried, and cried, and cried, and the girl was beside him the whole time.
She was saying “It’s okay” repeatedly, as if it was a magic spell.
And maybe it was—considering how Gakushuu felt that everything was going to be alright.
· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·
That day onwards, Gakushuu made it a point to himself to visit the park everyday, hoping to see the girl again. After all, yesterday he wasn’t able to get the girl’s name at all. When he came to, he was already on his bed at his house. Did he fell asleep beside the girl at the time? Who knows; all he felt was embarrassment.
“I will meet her again,” he said in determination, “I’m sure.”
He wanted to say his thanks, after all.
· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·
Much to his joy, he was able to meet her again in the park. Before, he wasn’t able to take a good look, but now that he could, he would say that she was cute. She was wearing a white one-piece, and she looked happy playing with her friends.
Gakushuu wanted to run up and greet her, but he couldn’t. Perhaps, just by being seen with him would make unwanted rumors spread amongst the people there, and what he wanted the least was to burden the girl with useless things.
And so he looked at her gently from a far.
She didn’t notice him, and time passes as he admired the girl he didn’t even know the name of. Soon, his father’s subordinates picked him up with a car, reminding him of the lessons he had forgotten.
The girl turned around as she heard the sound of a car’s engine.
By the time she did, though, the car was already moving away.
· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·
Despite knowing that he didn’t have the courage come up and talk to her, Gakushuu came again to the park. This time, there wasn’t that much people, and girl wasn’t engrossed in playing with her friends, so Gakushuu thought he would finally come up to say something, but the girl surprised him by going up to him beforehe could do anything.
“You’re from that time!” The girl said in delight, “Are you okay now?”
Gakushuu nodded slowly, as he smiled. The girl gave a smile in return, and Gakushuu couldn’t help but to let faint red tint his cheeks.
“Umm, uhm,” Gakushuu let out. He was a nervous wreck.
The girl laughed a little, as she patted Gakushuu’s shoulder, “You look so nervous!” she said, “It’s okay, there’s no need to be nervous!”
Unknowingly, Gakushuu laughed along, “I wanted to know your name!”
“Me...? Mm... you can call me anything you want!” the girl said, surprising him once more.
“Up to me?” Gakushuu asked.
“Yeah! It’s funner with nicknames, right?” she said.
“Well, that’s true, but...” Gakushuu thought.
“What should I call you then...?” Gakushuu looked like he’s deep in thought, eliciting more laughs from the girl.
“Don’t look that serious!” she said, “It’s just a nickname, after all.”
“I couldn’t help it, okay?” Gakushuu pouted, “Ah, I got it!”
The girl perked up, “Yeah? Yeah? What is it?”
“...Yousei.”
“...Yousei?” The girl asked, her face reddening albeit a little.
“Yes! Because you remind me of a fairy. Can I call you that?”
“...Sure! Then, what’s your name?”
Gakushuu replied almost instantly, “Gakushuu. Asano Gakushuu—but please don’t call me Asano.” He could feel his distaste for the name, even just by saying it. He has always hated being called ‘Asano’. It was his family name, but in the end it was from his father. He hated how calling him that sounds like people are likening him to his father.
“Gakushuu... Gaku... Ah! What about ‘Gaku-kun’?”
Gakushuu smiled brightly, “Okay!”
And together they played, as they smiled brightly.
· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·
This has become routine. Gakushuu would go to the park, and play with the girl before he got picked up for his lessons—if he wasn’t allowed to go, he would lock himself up in his room, not wanting to go out at all.
It’s almost a month since they first met—Gakushuu felt like the burden of his life has been lifted up little by little, and he became much accepting and active during his lessons, much kinder towards others—even the adults he hated—and generally, his view on life became brighter.
He smiled as he spotted the girl—his fairy—in the park.
However, her usual smile wasn’t there.
“Yousei?” Gakushuu called out, “What’s wrong?”
She rubbed the back of her head as she smiled sheepishly, “Umm... I kind of flunked a test earlier and I’m really no good at these things...”
When he looked closely, he could see the girl’s school bag beside her.
He couldn’t help but to smile. This—studying—was the one thing he wouldn’t lose to anybody, after all, and being able to use his specialty to help
his fairy was absolutely a joy.
“I’ll help you!”
“Really?!” The girl asked in surprise and joy, “Thank you so much!!”
Gakushuu smiled as the girl brought out her text book. He peeked at the cover—indeed, she really was a grade younger than him.
“So I was right...”He thought.
The girl took out her pencil case, and two pens. And then she said, “I’m really bad at math...” she let Gakushuu looked at her test paper, and he couldn’t help but to chuckle as the girl reddened. “Don’t laugh, Gaku-kun! I know an 40 is bad, but still...!”
“Sorry, sorry!” Gakushuu said, as he stopped the girl’s hand from lightly hitting his chest, “Which do you not understand?”
“...Everything?” she replied, almost a question.
“...Ah.”
After teaching her for a while, the girl wasn’t really that clueless, was what Gakushuu thought. She was actually quite quick in understanding,
but she wasn’t careful when counting, so...
“By the way, Gaku-kun...” the girl said, in the middle of writing, “You’re really smart...”
Gakushuu smiled. Such a phrase had already been told to him countless of times, but hearing it said by his fairy made him felt really happy.
“Thanks!”
“I wish I can be like you,” she said, “And then I could make Mommy proud, and maybe then she wouldn’t cry as much as she did.”
Gakushuu was surprised. What would make a proper adult cry so much, that even her daughter noticed?
But he realised that asking would be much too insensitive, so he only nodded, without saying a word.
· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·
The next day, the girl was looking grim. Gakushuu thought that perhaps she hasn’t done better even after remedial tests, so he went up to her to cheer for her, but when she saw him, she cried instead.
“Gaku-kun, I’m so sooooorry...” she said, as she hiccuped, “Uwaaahhh...”
What in the world is wrong? He couldn’t mask the curiosity and pain seeing the girl crying. She was always his sun, and he never saw her like this.
“Wha-what is it?” he asked, as he sat beside the girl. He remembered her warmth then, when he’s the one crying, and proceeded to caress the girl’s hair—would he be able to produce such a warmth too? He wondered quietly.
“I-I heard from those old women earlier... they said you were always forced to study and all and I... I...” the girl said, “I’m so sorry for my insensitivity yesterday...!”
U-uh, indeed he was always forced to study, but he really don’t remember her being insensitive at all...
“I-I said that it must be nice to be you, right?” she explained, “I don’t even know t-the things you f-face and I-I...”
Gakushuu couldn’t hide the surprise he felt. Just how many times has this girl surprise him so? Nobody has ever said something like that to him.
They’ve never cared about how he felt, they only wanted to see his outer appearance, his prowess, not his real self. Gakushuu couldn’t help but to laugh, as tears trickled down his cheeks.
“Gaku-kun?! Why are you crying too? I-I’m sorry! I’m such a bad friend!” The girl panicked, as she wiped the tears off Gakushuu’s cheeks.
“No! You’re not... I’m just happy.”
“Happy...?”
“Thank you for caring about me,” he said, “Thank you...”
· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·
The day after and days after that, the girl never came to the park anymore. Gakushuu looked for her everywhere, but she wasn’t anywhere in the park’s area. She never said anything to him either, and he was really worried.
And that’s when he heard the adults in the park talking—those annoying looking, gossiping aunties.
“Did you know about that girl?” She said, and then she described his fairy’s features. Gakushuu’s ear perked up, as he approached the women quietly, “I heard her parents finally broke it off for good.”
“You mean they decided to divorce, finally?”
“Yeah. I heard her mother won’t let her go out of her house for days. For a mother to lock herself and her daughter inside... how sad! I also heard that woman got her daughter to console her for days on end, that’s why her daughter’s never out anymore.”
“Ew, is it even alright for a mother to count on her really young daughter?”
“Of course it’s no—“
Gakushuu couldn’t bear to hear such a conversation. He immediately interrupted the women talking, saying, “Where is her house!?” hastily.
“You... you’re Asano—“ the women were surprised.
“That’s not important! Where is it?!” His voice was full of haste and commanding.
Even the women were paralyzed—how could a young boy hold such an authoritative voice? How could he look so charismatic?
The women told him the address, and he wasted no time to rush there. It wasn’t that far away from the park, fortunately.
· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·
When he arrived and made sure it was her house—he had the aunties draw the map and the house too—he knocked.
There was no answer, though. Actually, it looked like nobody was in the house.
He waited and waited, but nobody ever came. When he thought about giving up and went home, however, a girl—it was not his fairy, much to his disappointment—approached him and gave him a letter.
“’She’ said to give it to you. You’re Asano Gakushuu, right?”
“...Yeah...?”
The girl sighed in relief, “It’s from your fairy.”
“...!”
“I’ll be going, then.”
The girl left as abrupt as she came, almost like a hurricane. After thanking her, Gakushuu made no time to waste as he opened the letter. He scanned it first, just a little glance, and indeed such a messy handwriting was his fairy’s.
He dreaded for whatever it is that was written, but he read it all the same.
“Gaku-kun,
I’m sorry for not saying anything to you before I go.
My mommy and daddy is finally separating.
Do you remember when I said that mom cries a lot? It’s because of Dad.
He suddenly came home after he went missing for a while.
But beside him... was a woman I don’t know.
Mom and Dad talked for a while. They won’t let me in at all.
And then after that, Dad and the woman went out and Mom cried.
She hugged me really tight and cried.
It’s been awhile since that, but then Dad came home again and everything started all over again. Mom cried really hard. I don’t know what to do, and Mom wouldn’t let me go out of her sight. I’m sorry for not being able to see you for days.
And now I’m going to move away with Mom.
Mom said we’re going to Kyoto to live with Grandma and Grandpa.
I’m sorry for not being able to meet you before I’m gone.
I’m sorry.”
Gakushuu couldn’t believe what he had just read. His fairy is gone now, to Kyoto, even... does that mean he wouldn’t be able to see her again? No... that would be too sad...
He had just started to believe that whatever hurdles he face, he would still be able to smile... all because of her...
But now...
He couldn’t help the tears trickling down his cheeks. However, he realized that the girl wrote something else, on the back of the paper. She drew an arrow on the lower left corner of the paper.
He immediately turned it, and continued reading.
“Let’s meet again when we’re both older and better than how we are now.
You’ll be a great leader, and I’ll always be by your side.
I promise I will come back and stay by your side, so please don’t be sad.
I’m sure you’ll be able to achieve a lot of things.
I’m sure you’ll be great at many things.
Would you promise me that you’ll wait for me?
That we’ll meet again?
Because I promise.
See you again, Gaku-kun.”
He noticed that the paper was a little bit wet... did she cry? Did she cry as much as he cried right now? How did she feel when she wrote this?
Her messed up handwriting, the unbalanced hiragana and almost unreadable kanji, was it because of her trembling?
In any case...
She has promised that she would come back to him again. And so, he would too. He won’t let her down. He would become a leader, no, he would become a King, and when she came back, she could be his Queen.
He would become nothing less than perfect.
For her...
· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·
When the men in charge of picking Gakushuu up from the park came, Gakushuu’s back was facing them. He wouldn’t turn around, and so one of them asked what’s wrong. They get no reply, however. Gakushuu simply pocketed something he was holding, and then he turned around.
The smile that he let them see that day was paralyzing.
“Let’s go.”
They didn’t know a young boy could talk in such an authoritative voice—they didn’t know a young boy could look so cold yet so charismatic, so adult-like, so... enticing.
His voice sent shiver down their spines, and they knew they’d never be able to forget such an experience for the rest of their lives.
And that was how he, Asano Gakushuu, became who he is now.
No comments:
Post a Comment